dealing with it.

allen freaked out this morning.
i'm tired of handling other people's crazy emotions.
i'll keep doing it, because it needs to be done, but i am feeling tired of it right now.
he exploded over something super-minor (probably after stewing for an unknown length of time) and shouted some dumb, mean stuff at tab, hurting her feelings.
he and i are steady enough for me to just tell him that he doesn't get to kick anyone out of the house, and no one is leaving because we're a family and people don't get kicked out of families.
he's like a little kid - he just says whatever is in his head, with no thought about editing, or any kind of realization that the bizarre stuff he thinks up are just THOUGHTS.
man, life must be so confusing and exhausting when you live in a head where everything you think is totally real to you.
i guess i closed the chicken coop incorrectly last night, but to allen, that doesn't mean that i don't know how to put the chickens away correctly and might need a refresher, it means i am...i don't really know. playing mind games with him and don't give a shit about the house or him. so, based on that thought that he had, he then tells me that he's had enough of me, he's done with the mind games, and i should just stay away from him from now on, and get out.
it's lame that, on top of my mom dying and having to manage my own emotions about that, i also have to worry about him flying off the handle at any given moment, with no warning, based on logic i am not familiar with, and accusing me of weird stuff.
now the energy in the house is really uncomfortable.
s just got here, and he and i haven't really spent much time together since he's been back from his camping trip, 'cause the kid was here, so we're a little awkward.
t's giving mom a massage in the bedroom, so allen can't hide in there to avoid us, which pushes him out into the living room, where mike unknowingly stole allen's place-of-power on the sofa.
then allen changed clothes to do some yard work, which is retarded because it's 1000 degrees out. it's just now reaching the really HOT hot part of the day, and he wasted the cool part of the day being a sulky jerk.
he just pressured s and mike into helping him with yard work, and he's such a freaker-out-er that they didn't want to say 'no' for fear he'd snap.
in the background of all this is the realization that i am going have to start putting mom in her wheelchair to move her around the house because she's so wobbly and i am afraid she'll fall and i won't be able to get her up. allen said the other day that he feels like she's moving into the next phase, more sleeping and less eating, and i agree.
i'm just really tired, i think.
having lu, tab and mike up here recharged my batteries, but allen is threatening to run them back down in one day.
i have bills of mom's to pay, her power of attorney to get dealt with, my own bills to deal with, we're out of escrow on the house this week, which adds a whole nother wrinkle to things...
i'm just tired.