Sunday, May 29, 2005


Current mood: hopeful

the last few days, actually, the last week or so, has been like an endurance test.
i like my 8 hours of sleep and i have been averaging about 6 hrs, for the last 10 days.
last night/this morning was the first time i have been able to sleep as long as i wanted, and just wake up when i naturally wake up.

i was fucking heaven.

there is one last truck-load of stuff to take up to my mom's new place, which will be done on tuesday, and then the family house will no longer be ours. it's going to be fucking weird to have my mom 2 hours away all the time. i'm finally getting sad about it. this entire moving experience has been so exhausting. perhaps i should have packed a smidgen more before the weekend of the move. packing until 2am and then waking up for work at 630am has sucked. packing the truck at 9am, then throwing a party til 3am, than waking up again at 7am to pack cars with plants and then unload them at my mom's new house in ukiah...that sucked, too.

today i have nothing planned. i might go get tea in the afternoon with ariana, but only if we feel like it. again, this is the first day where i am doing NOTHING. awesome. my fucking room is so repulsive to look at... i think shannon is going to break up with my if i leave my side of the room like this much longer. i have this archipelago of bags (work bag, gym bag, purse, schoolbag) that are all packed with the things that i use them for, but there's really no easy or graceful way to have a mountain of bags on the floor, and we don't have anywhere i can stash them, out of sight. also, i got a garbage bag full of samples from work, so i need to mend the little tears in them (which is how they mark them as samples) and then figure out where i am going to store them, since my clothing storage devices are all completely stuffed. how can i spend so much money on clothes and still feel like i have nothing to wear?

i went over to b's family's party for his graduation/him getting into berkeley. we missed most of the tasty ass food (b is a HELLA tasty cook), but we ate some cold pork loin that was a yumfest. b's g/f was being a little weird to me, but i am hoping it was just me being exhausted and emotional. maybe i'll ask b about it. i hope there's not tension there about me still coming to family functions and stuff. it's probably just something totally unrelated to me. i am working hard on remembering that not everything that is said and done is a comment or reference to my presence or behavior.

now i am going to get coffee with shannon. it's very warm today! like, skirts and flip-flops! yay!

Currently listening :
Mic City Sons
By Heatmiser
Release date: By 29 October, 1996

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

death by boredom.

Current mood: bouncy

working at restoration hardware sucks. i can't even stand 5 hours here.

Monday, May 23, 2005

being a chick is silly.

Current mood: mellow

i got dressed up last night to go out for a friend's birthday in the city.
she's in a sketch comedy troupe (killing my lobster - funny!) and they performed at a comedy night at a.c.t., along with a few stand up comedians. the last comedian fucking sucked and i would have pelted him with trash if i could have. he seemed like a total ass-face. he looked vaguely familiar to me, and it turned out it was because he used to work on the morning show on channel 2 (whatever the local fox affiliate it.) he felt like that made him a celebrity, but he was mistaken. i couldn't care less about him.

(p.s. it's buggative when people say that they 'could care less' because, like misusing the word 'literally', when you use it wrong, you're actually saying exactly the opposite of what you're intending. david cross has a funny thingie about 'literally' and it's misuse. funny! anyway.)

we then went to some shitty bar up the street from the theatre. the bar was so fucking lame. so much so. the drinks were lame, the people were even lamer and there was a shitty blues-hammer-esque bar band that made me sad. also making me sad were a very drunk couple who slow danced/lambada-ed to most of the songs, and attempted to eat each other's faces and remove each other's clothing. it was heinous and depressing.

being a girl is so weird. i mean, i got dressed up, specifically to look 'hot' but i have a boyfriend who wasn't with me, so i am not on the hunt, so to speak. so, who the fuck am i dressing hot for? all the guys who i have no interest in humping? why bother? why don't i just wear my pajamas, then?

i accidentally made eye contact with some guy. filled with dread, i desperately looked to both sides of me to see if i could quickly join a conversation, but i wasn't fast enough and everyone was leaning away from me. basically, i was like a lamb to the slaughter. he zeroed in on me, circling, and then swooped. it was a bummer.

i am very careful to be friendly and polite, but i am not down with the pointless chatting with random bar guys.

i chatted with him for a few seconds and then, very politely and not-at-all snottily, i told him that i have a boyfriend and i am not really interested. i informed him that he was welcome to walk away, rather than invest time in something that won't bear dividends. being a bar guy takes some time and some energy investment, and i would think that it would be nice to be able to go try with someone else, rather than take time to 'get some' from me, when i know it's not going to happen.

so, whatever, i told him, in a non-jerky way. (seriously, i know that i can be.... caustic... from time to time, and i have been a total twat to hapless bar guys in past lives, but i was really nice and not laughy or teasey.) and, as sometimes happens with this approach, the guy, for some reason, feels like he can't admit that he was just coming over to hit on you, so he pretends that he just wants to chat. um... duh.

do i look retarded? because that is the stupidest, least truthful thing i have ever heard. yeah, because we're going to become good friends, weird bar guy, and you and me and my boyfriend are all going to hang out, right? yeah, no. dude, just walk away.

but no. 'oh, in my country, we don't just talk to people because we want to sleep with them. if we see someone in a pub who looks interesting we'll just talk to them.' (oh, he was from england.) anyway, again, i smell a rat, bar guy. i was under the impression that hitting on girls who dropped their 'don't talk to me' cloaking devices was pretty universal. maybe it's just an american thing... yeah, no.

i just wanted to push him away. dude, leave me alone. i don't care about you. i am sure you have lovely things in yourself, and some person will be very glad to find you, both as a friend and a boyfriend, but i am not that person. i don't really give a shit. please leave me alone.

so, he waited what he felt was an acceptable length of time to not look like a sleazy bar guy jerk, which he was anyway, and then slunk away. finally.

i know being a guy is tough, and being expected to 'cold call' chicks all the time must be really scary and annoying and tiring. i understand that.

being a girl is weird and tough, too, though. i mean, was i asking for it dressed like that? i think straight people need a rocker rag/bandana code language like our gay friends.

pink ribbon in my hair means i have a boyfriend and am just along for the ride.
blue ribbon means i'm a cheating-ass bitch, so bring it on.
white ribbon means i'm single and i like kittens.
yellow ribbon means i want you to pee on me.
or something. just some ideas.

that would make things so much easier for everyone involved.

Currently listening :
By M.I.A.
Release date: By 22 March, 2005

Friday, May 20, 2005


Current mood: grumpy

these are some reasons why everything is cool.
1) tonight is margarita night. my godbrother might come out with us.
2) i am getting a massage at 6:30pm.
3) i went to the gym today for the first time in a week and it felt awesome.
4) it's kinda warm today, and, even though i am trapped in hell/work, i will get out early enough to enjoy the warmth.
5) i finished college of marin before i turned 30. seriously, i was worried for a while.
6) music is the best. driving and listening to my ipod is perfection. the driving and listening to music was what i always imagined when i imagined what was cool about driving, and it is totally proving to be as exciting as i had imagined. that and havign aplace to stash my crap that i want to bring from the house with me, but don't necessarily want to carry in my arms, like a towel for the gym or something.

on a different note, who organizes high school reunions? i mean, how will they know if i move away?

Currently listening :
Stay What You Are
By Saves the Day
Release date: By 10 July, 2001

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

home stretch.

Current mood: working

so, yesterday was my last full day as a student of college of marin.
tomorrow i drop off my statistics project (which i haven't really done yet) and then i'll be done. well, i have to go to a student senate meeting next monday and commencement on friday, but those aren't classes.
so, yeah.
i cried a little bit yesterday. sad to go, glad to go, you know? (ew. rhymey.)
also, the new weezer album is pretty gross and the new beck album is pretty tasty. i think. ***NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: THE NEW BECK ALBUM WAS NOT TASTY.***

Currently listening :
By Beck
Release date: By 29 March, 2005

Sunday, May 15, 2005

in case anyone wanted to know.

Current mood: calm

this will be my schedule for tomorrow.

6:00am - wake up
6:15am - drink breakfast shake
6:30am - leave for gym
7:00-8:30isham - gym it up
8:45 - 10isham - get dressed for school, pack school bags, gather visuals for presentation
10:15am - drive to school and look endlessly for parking
11am - meet with alice, my astronomy teacher, about the crazy lady in my astronomy group and attempt some damage control on whatever nonsense the crazy lady has told alice.
12:00pm - take LAST stat test and kick its sorry ass
1:15-3:00 - eat lunch, kick it, whatev'.
3:00-5:00pm - student senate meeting
5:00-6:30pm - whatev'
6:30pm - meet astronomy group in library for quick pre-class huddle, blow their minds with my kick-ass visuals that i have prepared for us (hello, glitterglue stick!)
7:00-10:00pm - give presentation that kicks ass, watch a lot of fucking retarded presentation, hate most of class except my group, avoid crazy lady's weird crazy mind rays
10:00pm - leave astronomy for the LAST time and never fucking look back.

Saturday, May 14, 2005


Current mood: annoyed

this is the email correspondence that has taken place within the last several days between me and my astronomy group, and, specifically, that crazy woman. there had been nothing but drama. please read it and comment. am i being a big jerk and not even realizing it? or, just comment on what a fucking nut she is.

hey helen!
here's the draft. i emailed david to see if he could answer some
planetary questions for me, and i still need to name it.
did the guy at your work get the drawings done? i want to make sure
that it gets done, and if i need to do it, i need some time.

"The creature, XXXXX, is the only known organism to live on the environmentally hostile planet of Venus. Through evolutionary ingenuity, a life-form has evolved that is perfectly suited to Venus and its rigors.

XXXXX has a long, rippling, ribbon-like body structure to facilitate movement in the lower atmosphere of the planet. Viewed from above, below or straight on, the is almost invisible, having almost no thickness to speak of. Only when viewed from the side can it be somewhat easily observed. From the side, one can observe the remarkable adaptations that are all in place, like it’s downward-facing gill-like breathing slits. With small recessed eyes and a large mouth filled with a baleen-like filtration form, the is not an attractive or cute creature by our standards. To protect itself from the high sulfuric acid content of the atmosphere, the has evolved a rubbery, leather-like skin, like a cross between rhinoceros and an eel, and a pronounced overhanging brow-protector, that acts as a “visor”, to direct the sulfuric acid rain it encounters over its face and down. Its lack of width also helps to protect it from that rain. The lives in the lower atmosphere of the planet, above the scorching temperatures of the surface, but below the upper cloud cover that rockets around the planet at a sped faster than the planet itself rotates.

XXXXX survives through a newly discovered process, called chemosynthesis. Similar in theory to the process used by the tiny organisms that inhabit deep sea vents, and, for now identically-named, the XXXXX is able to metabolize inorganic elements to create carbohydrates, and thus fuel itself. Also like many deep sea fishes, the tiny XXXXX has evolved specifically to survive the intense atmospheric pressure of Venus. With an air pressure of 90 atmospheres, the XXXXX survives in an atmosphere similar to that of deep sea fishes, aside from the acid and intense heat!

As the only organism on the planet, the has XXXXX no predators and are presumed to be solitary creatures. Very few specimens have been observed, and those mostly from afar, in grainy video sent from space crafts, however it has been proposed that the uses hermaphroditic reproduction. It impregnates itself and, after an unknown gestation period, gives birth to a live litter of hundreds of miniscule XXXXX. Because of the harshness of the environment and the lack of shelter, the vast majority of the baby XXXXXs perish before reaching maturity, but due to their reproductive abilities, which don’t require them to ever meet another creature like them their entire life cycle, the few that survive can live out their short lives in relative peace and freedom."


This is from Helen, the crazy chick.


Here is the text as well as the sketch of the creature. I haven't had a chance to integrate the photos and sketches into the body of the report yet. It takes a while to scale that stuff. I'll probably get that done tomorrow or Friday and will email it. I have a photo of the Venera 11 spacecraft with a couple of scientists examining it. I also made photos of a piece of glass that I have that looks like a windscreen. I put some fabric glue in a few places with some bits of thread to look like the splats. Turned out pretty good.

I also made a crude model out of vellum and red making tape eyes that we can attach to the poster board. The only problem is that it is very difficult to do a transparent model that looks good. Can we make it a color? That way I won't have to worry about the scotch tape and stuff.

Report text so far......

"Theoretical Life Forms presented by Kira Fisher, astrobiologist

Although life has not been observed directly, scientists have speculated that life forms are living within the thick atmosphere on Venus. This theory is based on previously unreleased evidence from the failed Russian probe, Venera 11, which also sent back data that reportedly prove the existence of lightning within the Venusian

Earlier this month, the Russian scientists put on display a windscreen taken from the probe that had several centimeter-sized splats, very much like what a car windshield looks like after driving along I-5 through the central Valley in California during peak growing season.

The splats appear to show a long, ribbon-like creature with a near transparent outer shell, a long whip-like body, retractible eyestalks, and a primitive mouth and digestive system. The remaining undamaged pieces of the dead creatures were combined to form what the scientists believe a fully formed adult animal looks like. The Estonian biologists working with the Russian experts have released a description of an organism that spends its entire life cycle in the thick atmosphere. They speculate that it originally developed on the surface of the planet when water was abundant. As the greenhouse gasses accumulated and the trapped heat boiled off the available water
supply, the creature, dubbed Sulfoacidolobus venerisi, adapted. It did this by becoming smaller, thinner and less dependent on water for its survival. It developed a leathery coating that resembles chitin, a substance that is able to withstand a highly acid environment, similar to Earth's deep ocean inhabitants that live near thermal vents.

As the planet's surface continued to heat up through the runaway greenhouse effect, s. venerisi began to float up into the densifying atmosphere. It developed an ability for chemosynthesis, a process that manufactures carbohydrates from carbon dioxide and water, using chemical nutrients as the energy source, rather than sunlight. It is
speculated that it metabolizes inorganic compounds in the atmosphere by oxidizing (removing electrons) from trace amounts of sulfur"


this is from me to her.

what is that the text of?

that isn't what i wrote, and the animal that you wrote about isn't really what i described. this makes me angry, helen. i am not prone to letting other people do my work for me, and i really don't like you doing my entire section for me. i have done my
own research, come to my own conclusions, developed my own ideas, and to have you send me back something that barely resembles with i have put a lot of time into makes me upset. i am not a stupid person and i don't need you to polish my ideas up, they're shiny enough.

i understand that you want to help, but this is my section and i'd like it if i wrote it. the text i sent you is my initial draft. it isn't a suggestion, it's what i wrote, and it isn't very far from what i intend to present to the class. i am not stoked about you changing it. the drawing that your co-worker did isn't what i envisioned and it isn't really what i described. i am not an ex-imagineer for disney, but i think that i will just draw my own creature. please thank your co-worker for me.

i don't say this to be rude, but i want to make sure that i am clear.

i appreciate all the work that you're putting into the project, because none of us could do this without you, but i would really like it if you let me do my own section, with minimal editorial input. i haven't edited the drafts you sent us, because i don't feel like it's my job or right, to change your section, and i'd really like it if you
could do the same with my section. i have already met with alice about what is required and i feel confident about the direction i am headed in.

again, i am not at all intending to be rude, or to show any lack of appreciation for the work you're doing, but i don't want to be represented in a group paper by work that i didn't do and that doesn't represent what i want. i also don't want to have to memorize someone else's ideas and talk about them in the presentation, because i like
my own ideas. i don't love the windshield idea and i don't want to get into the evolution or creation of the creature from the beginning of time, mostly because alice said that there was no need to go that far into it. please leave my section to the things that i wrote. if you think you'll have a problem getting a final version of the paper updated after friday, please email it to me and i'll do the final draft of the whole shebang and bring it. i understand that you're limited to work time on this, but i also hope you understand that up until two weeks ago, i was under the impression that i was doing culture, so i did all my research on that, and had to start from
scratch on the creature.

not to beat a dead horse, but i really don't want this to be construed as me being nasty to you, because that is not at all my intention. in writing things can come off as harsher, or even just different, than intended, you know? thanks for your creativity, but i'd just like my section to reflect my work.



this is from another girl in our group, in response to the email that the crazy lady sent to everyone but me.


I do not feel comfortable commenting on what to do about the creature because frankly, unless you need my help, this sounds like it is between Helen and Kira.

However, let's keep in touch about what we need for Sunday.


Helen Hebert wrote:

david, aimie and elsie,

I just got this rant back from Kira. I took what she sent yesterday and started with the text of the creature section. I also took her description and interpreted it into a visual form from what she wrote. I do not think I did a bad job here and have put a great deal of time in on the written portion of the assignment.

What would the rest of you like to do at this point? I'm at a loss and given how close it is to the time when this gets turned in, I will not have much more time to devote to this. I have attached the sketch and Kira's original document. I think the creature comes pretty close.


this is from me to everyone in the group.

hi everyone!
sorry about this confusion. me and helen will figure it all out.

this is from me, to the crazy lady, in response to the crazy email she sent to everyone else.

i am a little confused why you sent that email to everyone else, and never replied to the email that i sent you.
what exactly are you needing input on from the rest of the group?
i think i was really clear about my communication, specifically that i really appreciate your help and all the work you've put into the project. i just would like the text that i wrote to be what is used in the project. i feel like that's a fair request.
i really didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it seems like i might have, though i would have appreciated it if you'd talked to me about it, rather than involving everyone *but* me.
does this request seem unfair or unclear to you? i'd like to be in communication with you about this, because i really didn't want there to be any weirdness between us, but now i feel confused, being forwarded an email exchange that was clearly not intended for me.
i'd like a response, helen. i have no beef with you, and i don't want there to be tension, to make us uncomfortable, or to make the rest ofthe group uncomfortable, though i think it might be too late for that.
thanks, kira

this is obviously from the crazy woman.

Apparently there is no purpose to my meeting with you on Sunday. See you Monday in class

this is from me to everyone in the group.

okay, well, i still plan on meeting everyone at aroma, to go over everything. i will have my images chosen then, though not on the transparencies. i think i am the one who is drawing the creature now, and that might not be done yet, either, but i'll bring smaller sketches to show everyone. did we agree on five images each, on
transparencies? that's what i am going with, so, unless anyone has any objections, how about we all do that, for our respective sections?
helen, does one of us need to print out the big version of that cool landmark-naming table that you found? i'll bring poster board, but i wasn't planning on printing that thingie out. should one of us, or are you going to do that?
so, we're doing three poster boards, one with my creature stuff on it, one with that table thing on it, and one with miscellaneous pictures of venus on it. would someone else be willing to bring some big color pictures of a few views of venus? i am thinking one of the pictures of the rocky surface taken on the shuttle landings, a couple different ones from space, and.... something else?

this is from that same other chick in the group, again, in response to another crazy email sent by the crazy woman to everyone but me.

Okay, I am really confused about how this suddenly escalated into Helen leaving the group. I understand that there were some creative differences regarding the creature, however, what about the project as a whole? I will appreciate any thoughts from the group.


Helen Hebert wrote:

I'm sorry Dave, but I will be doing only my section from now on. I intend to bring my own visuals to class and have expanded the naming section of my own report to include a number of features on Venus to fill my 2 minutes. I will be turning in the paper as my own work product and have removed all other names.

After Kira's vituperative email and her childish and unprofessional attitude, I have decided to withdraw from the group and intend to send a email today to our instructor stating my reasons for doing so. I also plan to email Alice my version of the report that I have worked so hard on and will turn that in as my own project. Since Kira stated that she had spoken to Alice about it, I feel it is my only remaining option. Go back and reread the forwarded email. I believe she offered to do the final version of the report. Just be sure that she does not plagiarize mine. It will probably get you marked down, as the report will be turned in today as mine.

I don't know what effect this will have on the presentation, but my guess is that it will be very little since I was not doing one of the vital sections that was included in the original instruction, those being the physical aspects of the planet, probes and a theoretical creature.

If Kira had actually provided her work in a timely fashion and if we had more time to work out the differences, there would have been a different outcome. If she had looked at what she provided by the stated deadline, perhaps she could have realized that she was not clear in her description. For one thing, the link that was provided did not
at all resemble her own words. I decided to go with her typed words describing a 'long, skinny, whip-like body....almost transparent...long ribbon-like shape...small eyes facing outward'. Her response to that effort was condescending, untruthful, narcissistic, and temperamental.

For future reference, you may find the following link regarding working in groups useful. It is too bad that we were given the group project at such a late date. I had a feeling that this would happen when Kira demanded to see everyone's work before she would release any of her own. My suspicion is that it was simply a cover-up for not having done the assignment.

On May 12, 2005, at 10:20 PM, David Benson wrote:

> Helen,
> So if we don't meet Sunday I was just wondering what we are doing
> about the visuals
> do I need to make some sort of poster with physical information on it
> or do we have enough visuals already.
> - Dave

this is from me to everyone else.

i am a little bit in shock.
obviously my interpretation of what happened is different from helen's. i am not used to this sort of interaction, so i am at a loss to explain how things escalated to this point.
from my perspective, i sent helen an email asking if the text in the report could be the text that i sent her. i was very careful to repeat several times that i really appreciated all the work she was putting into the project and thanked her, but i asked if the section on the creature could stick to the things that i had written. i referenced a conversation that i had with alice about how in-depth my creature profile needed to be. i was concerned about my limited knowledge about biology, so i checked in with alice about her expectations. she said that keeping it to the basics was totally fine, i.e. what it eats, what it looks like and why, where it lives, the very basics.
in the email that i sent to helen, i told her that if time was a problem, she could email me the draft of the paper and i could add my stuff in myself.
i don't know anything about anything else.
i feel like i have done everything in my power to keep this from getting messy. i sent an email to helen asking that we communicate about this privately and apologized if i had hurt her feelings or offended her.
i have received no response, except what she has sent to you guys and that aimie has sent to me.
i dunno, guys. i haven't done anything that, in my opinion, warrants this kind of response. i would be more than happy to forward on the email i sent helen. maybe you guys feel that it was out of line? i am not the sort of person who just says mean, hurtful, careless, angry things, so i find it hard to accept the responsibility for this fiasco.
i certainly sent an email to helen, but it wasn't one i feel i was crossing any moral or ethical lines by sending...

helen, i am sorry that you feel that way. i haven't ever had a problem like this with anyone i have ever met, but if i have behaved poorlyand i am unaware of it, i am sincerely sorry.

rest of the group, what the fuck are we going to do?

um..... what the fuck is going on? am *i* the one who is crazy? i feel like it's her, but this drama is SUCH a bummer and i am really pissed that she is taking it out on everyone in the group now. vituperative?!

people, read this, and tell me if i am missing something, please.

Friday, May 13, 2005

the wonders of communication.

i am having some conflict with a woman in my astronomy lab group.

we have to do an oral report/presentation on the planet venus. me and my group all get along well, and it's been a pretty pleasant group presentation experience, overall.
one older woman has sorta wrestled control away from everyone else, delegating and stuff, and she volunteered to write up the written version that'll get turned it.
whenever anyone sends her their section, she very freely edits it, like, puts in things they never found, or writes it entirely for them. no one has really complained yet, because no one really cares and everyone is so busy. except...

i am supposed to create a creature that lives on the planet. so, i did a few hours of research and some imagining, and i came up with a cool creature. i emailed my text to her, to incorporate into the body of the paper. about 20 mins later, she emailed something back to me, said it was the text on the creature, when in fact it bore absolutely no resemblance to the text that i had written, or the creature that i described. then she sent me back a drawing that her coworker had done of the creature, that looks very little like what i had described. on top of that, she told me about these cheesy things she had done, like making a fake model windsheild with splats on it, to look like that's how scientists discovered this creature. this idea, i did not enjoy.

so, i sent her an email, which is the only means i have of contacting her, and told her i was confused and angry, that what she sent me back was not what i had written and that i didn't want her version of my text, i wanted my text in there. i thanked her for all the work she's been doing, but i said that i didn't want to use her ideas, because this is the only part of the project that i am doing. i'd like it to be my work. i liked my creature and i felt good about my write up.

so, she never replied to my email, which was curious to me.

until yesterday, when i got forwarded an email from *another* girl in my group, responding to all of us, to an email that lady had sent to everyone but me, about my 'rant' and her needing to know what to do, because she's put a lot of time into the report, but she's running out of time, she feels like her text and drawing are really close to what i said... etc. my poor group. we all barely know each other, so this must be really embarrassing for them. the girl who emailed me, and everyone, said she felt like this was between me and the crazy lady, basically.

i sent another email to the crazy lady, saying it was not my intention to hurt her feelings, which i had stated numerous times in the first email, but that i was feeling confused again about why she'd send that to everyone but me, and why she wasn't communicating with me. i said i didn't want there to be tension on monday, and that i felt like this didn't need to be such a big deal. i asked her to reply to my email.
this morning i received an email from the crazy lady, sent to everyone in the group (including me) that there was obviously no reason for her to meet us sunday evening for the final run through and that she would see us in class monday.

um... what?

for anyone who doesn't know me well, i am a very careful, precise communicator, in general. i have my fair share of slip ups, no doubt, and i can botch a communication just like the next guy, but i am characterized by my clear, careful communication. i knew the email was going to be a touchy one, so i was very careful to get my point across in a firm, but thoughtful way. i did not call her a crazy woman, or a loser with too much time on her hands, or a control freak, or anything. i repeatedly thanked her for all the work she's done and told her that i genuinely appreciate all the time she's put into everything. i just didn't want her to change my section.

not to be totally cruel, BUT.... no wonder she'd a twice-divorcee. jesus, with communication skills like those, i am surprised she is able to function in the world.
it's been bumming me out, but there's not much i can do about it all. she's using the freeze-out method to deal with this all, which is pretty much impossible to get around.
she's crazy. what the fuck am i supposed to do? i have been in communication with the rest of the group, because we still actually have some stuff to figure out and some of it the crazy lady was supposed to handle.

this has been a weird year so far for communication.

or maybe there are just a lot of super-shitty communicators around.

whatever, right? school is over on wednesday. i can stick out the misery until then.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

physical pain.

Current mood: determined

monday i went way overboard on lunges and squats at the gym. i could tell as soon as i walked into the locker room that i was in trouble. my thighs felt all wobbly and i could barely make it across the street to my car.

yesterday morning, i had great difficulty getting in and out of my car, because of the muscle soreness. getting onto and off of the toilet was terribly challenging. walking downstairs was really embarrassing. even rolling over in bed was pretty tough.

also, i had really, really bad cramps yesterday, so i was just pretty much falling apart.

today, i am better, somewhat, on all fronts, though i am still pretty physically impaired with the leg-thing.

no gym today, because i can barely walk.

i'll gym tomorrow.

oh, also, there is a woman in my astronomy lab group who i want to kill.

and my job is still fucking rad. quitting resto is totally going to suck, because they're going to be bummed in a minorly abusive way, but my new job is so cool that it's worth it.

this movie, the one i said i'm watching, i watched it the other night. it wasn't great.

Currently watching :
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead
Release date: By 16 November, 2004

Friday, May 6, 2005

mercy killing.

Current mood: homicidal/suicidal

someone come to 680 8th street, ste. 240 and either kill me, or the woman in the showroom next door. if i have to listen to alice (the radio station) for another entire day, i'm going to fucking lose my shit.

i hummed along to evanescence accidentally 5 minutes ago, people. it's getting critical

Wednesday, May 4, 2005


man, life is all over the fucking place.
i got into berkeley and ucla, but only on provisional acceptance. i had to send in a form telling them about my three 'w'-s from this semester. so, i *kinda* got in.
i have a bad-ass new job in the fashion industry, that is so fun and scary, but really rad.
i feel ill from my too-late lunch.
the halpin's pirate party is tomorrow and i am still on the fence about attending.
i am now spending more than a third of my life in the car, en route somewhere. it's cool, but also a little suckie.
i need to hang out with some peops in the city after work, to make driving in 3 days a week a little less grueling.
my mom is moving, so i need to be packing, which i am not.
i joined the gym, and have been waking up at the break-a, break-a to go to the gym before school/work. every other day is my plan. always cardio and then alternate upper body or lower body, always abs. i hope i stick with it.
life is so busy and crazy and i am pms-ing and feeling sorta overwhelmed and emotional, but happy, too.
seriously, my new job is bad as fuck.