i've been afraid of changing 'cause i've built my life around you.

i have been blogging on myspace since 2003, i think, which blows my mind. doesn't 2003 seem really far away?

i have some people who subscribe to my blog on there, and i like having people read about how i'm doing. i like writing, and i have come to rely on my blog to help me get things out of my head. i have never been a successful journal keeper, and as i got older and more computer-reliant, typing seemed so much faster than writing. i stopped being able to write as fast as i think. so, i have become a regular blogger.

(as an aside, i find the entire blogging thing pretty embarrassing. i am uncomfortable even saying that i have a blog, which seems so self-promoting and narcissistic, like 'oh, my personal thoughts are SO interesting that everyone should know about them, and check in regularly!' plus, it feels like one of those trends where, if you missed the beginning, starting now is pretty stupid. like burning man. it's already too late.)

some people have suggested i look in to moving my blog to an actual blog site, making it more official. that's scary for a few reasons. 1) what if the 10 people who read my blog stop reading it because it moves? and 2) then i have to admit that i am going out of my way to blog, and it's a real Thing now, something that i do, on purpose, that i can't shrug off in a casual way.

rule #1 of being a cool kid is to try as hard as you can, but to never, under any circumstances, make it obvious that you're trying. and i am violating that rule by trying. if i had been cool enough to start off on another page, then i'd be set, but i didn't. so, again, i sink lower in the ranks of cool kids.

(to new readers, all 2 of you, you might not be familiar with my intense concentration on coolness. i recommend you check old entries from my myspace blog to catch up. it's a recurring theme, though, so i think you'll pick up the gist as we go along.)

so, here i am, tossing cool nonchalance to the wind, and blogging freely on a blog site. i set up a new page, picked colors and fonts.

i am not sure how i will work this, if i'll post to both for a while, or link from her to myspace, for people who are slow to follow over here. i think this will be a good change, ultimately. i would very much like to be writing more, but blogging is about all i can manage right now, between the oppressive futility of my existence and the stifling quality of my self-censoring, so i might as well encourage myself in this.

(i'm just kidding. the sense of futility in my life is only intermittently oppressive.)

here goes. hope you'll let me know what you think. if the font is illegible, or the colors are ugly, or it's getting stale reading about my existential angst and i should add in more shoes.

thanks for your support.