the decision.

we made an offer on that house, as i mentioned on sunday.

and our offer was accepted.

unfortunately, by the time our offer was accepted, we had already decided not to buy it.

why, you ask?

because it is directly next to the river.

in doind internet research about the house and the neighborhood, shannon found out that that neighborhood had a reputation for flooding. like, i guess the wikipedia entry for petaluma talks about payran st and flooding. and, according to insurance companies, the house is in the worst/most serious flood zone. like, if the rest of the city is in gray scale, or teeny dot patterns, our house is in a section covered in black. 

when you live in flood areas you have to have flood insurance, because the government is tired of bailing people out. so, because no private insurance company is down with shelling out that kind of money, there is a government plan that you HAVE to get. but that plan only covers 250K of damage, which, if you have a 400K mortgage, isn't all that helpful. i mean, it's better than nothing, but not better than 400K. 

so, given all this information, we decided it was too risky, and last night we mourned the loss of this dream life we had constructed for ourselves. this dream life included:
-us riding our bikes down the bikepath along the river, into downtown petaluma, to eat dinner
-us buying extra bikes so friends could join us on these dinners
-us hanging a swing from the lowest branch of the tulip tree, for the kids that we could not help but have in such a family-friendly home
-shannon constructing a secret canoe launch along the river
-friends coming over during the county fair (which is held in the fairgrounds a few blocks away) and eating bbq and drinking beers, than all of us walking to the fair to watch the demolition derby.

we were sad, but it made sense, you know? that's a pretty big risk.

then today, shannon talked to our real estate agent. (some background: shannon has been trying to buy a house for approx. 10 yrs off and on. obviously it hasn't been steadily. this nice lady had been sending him listings in his price range for the last 2 years, knowing that he is always kinda interested, but also aware that there was no real guarantee it'd happen soon.) shannon discussed our concerns with her. he also did some more internet research.

we already knew the following:
-the river has overflowed/flooded roughly every 4 years.
-1982 was the big mammalamma flood - the biggest in 100 years
-recently, the city sank $43 million into flood abatement fortifications, like a huge wall along the river, and all these drainage areas and stuff

we had wondered if the improvements had been tested.

shannon found out that in 1982, the huge-ass (hugh jass) flood, the house supposedly (alleged by the sellers) suffered minor water damage. some cosmetic improvements were made, but no standing water damage or anything. the improvements weren't done yet in 1982.

the flood in 2006 left the notorious p.a.y.r.a.n. 'hood totes unscathed.

also, the r.e. agent said that the 250K insurance is to replace the structure, and would be enough to do that if the house was totaled in a flood. we'd need separate insurance for our stuff, but we can ask the owners what they pay.

there is a report we can do, for a very reasonable $35, to see all the insurance claims ever filed on the property, the degree of seriousness and what the amount awarded was.

in theory, if the house was pretty much untouched in 1982, before the improvements, it would be in BETTER shape now than before.

also, the house is at the top of a rise, so it's be the last house flooded, were flooding to occur.

the agent also said that the risk wasn't extreme, from her perspective. she said that this house was pretty sweet, and by far the sweetest thing in our price range. the price reflects the risk, but the risk seems pretty minimal.

with this new information, me and shannon fretted and wondered and discussed.

we felt, this evening, like we wanted to gather everyone we know into a room to debate the whole thing.

instead, i called my dad.

he said a lot of stuff, but i think his feelings can be neatly summed up with this direct quote: "if you're asking me whether or not *i'd* buy it, my answer isn't 'no.' it's 'hell no.'"

i think we can all see where i got my communication skills from.

anyway, he feels like the risk is just too great. some points he brought up, which i had thought of, but which seemed especially meaningful when stated by my dad:
-hi, global warming. yeah, rising ocean levels, crazy unpredictable weather and environment. um, duh.
-there are other houses in the world, many of which are not at risk of being flooded. touche.
-even if the flooding is a minimal risk, it's a risk. and, for all the minimal risk, we're sure talking alot about flooding, and coming up with reasons to not worry about flooding. it's still totally an issue. 

so, a resounding 'hell no' from my dad.

i know all of his points are really strong.

but i still want to keep myself in the 'maybe' zone, you know?

i know, logically, that there are other houses in the world.

we were totally fine 72 hours ago, before we'd seen this house. our lives were full and still ripe with possibility. so, we could get back to that pre-payran place again.

but it's hard to let go of how great the house is, and how the risks are maybe inflated, and what if this is Our House and we're dumb to doubt it?

letting go of dreamed/imagined futures is really hard, every time. like, when you are in love with someone and pick out your kids' names and imagine your life together, and then you break up - it's hard to shake the ghosts of those lost future kids who linger around, looking moony and lost. they're not real, and our tree-swing isn't real, and shannon's canoe launch isn't real, but it feels precious and real.

i feel like it's pretty much decided already, and we just need to accept it, but we're both having a hard time. we're both stuck in our heads tonight, fucking around with this decision, that's a total non-decision.

because seriously... how fucking stupid a bet would that be? are you willing to bet everything you own, and everything you're worth - your whole life's accumulated artifacts - that the biggest storm in *500* years won't come within the time we life in that house? that'd be a really dumb bet.

but still...

what do you think?

i know my blog isn't really a place where people do much commenting to each other, or discuss stuff, but i'd love some feedback from anyone who feels inclined.