LA love/hate letter.

i just posted a novel of a comment to a friend who moved to la and is trying to get a grip of some kind on that slippery, greased up pig of a city... sorry, julie! that was a long one!

it made me think of la and my la peops (as small as that group is) and i thought i'd cut and paste it in here:

oh, la.

you barby, frenetic, aloof, intoxicating bitch.

i have never felt more excited about possibilites, and yet stymied by isolation, than i did in la.

it was so scary/liberating to be cut loose from the expectations other people had of who i was, what i looked like, how i dressed. i totally refound myself.

but i also spent most of that year and a half feeling lonely.

and yet, i find i still miss it, and yearn to move back to finish stuff and leave LA on my own terms.

i found that the people i met in la were really unsatisfying as friends, because everyone is REALLY locked into their own groove, and sorta insultingly disinterested in anything outside themselves and their immediate concerns. i have seldom felt so uninteresting or unimpressive.

so, i find that i only have 2 or 3 *people* i miss from la - people i connected with on a more satisfying level, and what i find myself thinking about with longing are places and views and moments and feelings i had.
the feeling of flying down sunset, over by ucla, on a sunny day, blasting music.
sitting at kings road coffee reading, people watching, eating.
drinking beers on the roof with lucy at night, talking about our future and our dreams, the fog/smog shrouded lights of the hollywood hills and the beverly center drowing out the stars.

i have no good suggestion about how to meet people that feel right, because i never found the right formula, but i do suggest patience. i also suggest making time to come to terms with la in your own way, because i know that having a boyfriend to hibernate with kinda retarded my acceptance progress, because i didn't have to be brave and go scary places alone, or call people i was scared to call, or go to random events to get a better feel for la's energy.

i know it's hard, and i know that coming from northern california, where your friendships feel more real and people feel more open, la can be a harsh contrast. la seems to have no poker face, but still hold its cards close to its chest. 

but give it time.

i don't think that everyone ends up loving la with their hearts and souls, but i think there are things there to appreciate, that make your time there feel more full of things you want. 

i'm sorry i'm not there to be nor cal with you, but i know luce is wrestling with the same stuff, so get in touch with her.

thinking about you and your fighting of the good fight.. holla for being on The Path, even when it's bumpy and the view is ugly, and the drop off is precipitous, and you have blisters. holla for being brave over comfortable.