why kira will never succeed in politics.

Current mood: melancholy

i have a really easy job. i accepted the job solely based on how easy it is and how absurdly flexible the hours are. i show up pretty much whenever i want to, i listen to my ipod and file, chat with my co-workers, and leave when i get tired of it. it's heaven. when i leave, i have almost nothing to say about work, because nothing interesting happens, so i don't have to be that person who only talks about work. (except for right now, when i am talking about it...)

okay,, though, here's the problem:

i work with a woman, P, who is probably in her late 30s, who is quite possibly the most cold-hearted, selfish person i have ever known in real life.. she loves me, but i have no doubt she'd slit my throat without a second thought if she felt like it was the thing to do.

there are a large number of good things about her. she's funny. she has a really cool daughter. she's a really hard worker. she's good to chat with, about current events or life stuff.

the things that suck about her are all related to what a cold, hard twat she can be, though. the tone of voice she uses on the phone with her husband, and her ex-husband, is enough to turn my stomach. i have never, in my entire life, used such a shitty, disrespectful, rude-on-purpose-with-no-thought-for-the-other-person's-feelings tone of voice, except to illustrate it to other people. it makes my skin crawl. how she could speak to her husband that way, who she is alleged to love, really dumb-founds me. she handles the workers comp claims for the company, and you know she has no qualms about cutting people off, regardless of whether or not they're better. she just assumes they're all lying fakers and is down to stick it to them. she is also all about taking her anger out on innocent by-standers, and is famous for getting people fired because she doesn't like them, or they threaten her in some way. mostly she keeps it to temps that are too annoying, but she's not above taking out another permanent co-worker.

so, she is out for herself, bottom line, and will say or do whatever she feels like she needs to, or can, to come out on top.

she left for maternity leave in November-ish. another chick took over her job for her, while she was out. this other chick, K, also continued to do a great deal of her own job, as well as managing two temps during the xmas season, which is a crappy, ultra-busy time for the department. i have no idea how good a job K did at managing P's job, but i do know she never got yelled at, shit didn't explode or fall apart, and she managed to stay funny and positive and easy to get along with despite the atrocious stress she was under. her work-load had tripled, and she was never given a full training in the stuff she was doing, despite being told a few times that she would be.

so, two months into this time, K asks our boss for a temporary raise, since she is doing so much more work. our boss says she'll ask HER boss and get back to K. two weeks pass and K hears nothing. she asks again. again is told that the boss will ask the boss and they'll get back to K. two more weeks pass and nothing. K asks about it one more time, and is again blown off. nothing. right around this time, P comes back on the scene.

i should say that P is best friends with our boss, except for the huge amounts of smack that P talks behind the boss’s back to me. so P's maternity leave time ran out, as did her state maternity benefits, so she and the boss came up with this plan for her to work from home part time, so she could get paid half of her salary while still basically being on leave. she continued to call K, giving K even more things to do, even though she is allegedly working part-time now.

the big problem is that K let things go for too long. she should have found another job after the second time she got dissed, but she didn't, she just stayed, letting the resentfulness grow.

as of this week, P is back from leave entirely. she has decided that K hates her and should leave the company. instead of talking to K about her problems, perhaps admitting that they treated K like crap and she has a right to be pissed, P is basically forcing her to quit.

K is a really, really good worker and a way more pleasant co-worker, more consistently, to more people, than P. she is almost always easy to get along with, and when she's in a crappy mood, she at least keeps it to herself, whereas P can poison the vibes like no one i have ever met. K is the kind of person who everyone goes to with any questions about the department, because she's really knowledgeable and just handles stuff without a bunch of drama or fanfare. she is exactly the kind of employee that companies, particularly my company, want to have, because she's willing to take one for them team and work hard, but they're going to fire her anyway.

now P is trying to suck me into the saga, like making me part of their conspiracy, which sucks a great deal for me, because i feel like a huge injustice is being perpetrated. P is the girl in grade school who wasn't afraid to make other kids cry, who would aim for making adults cry, and who probably bullied anyone younger than her. she is just a mean, popular girl at heart, and she wants me to join her team of heathers, but i am feeling like veronica.

P asked me to let her know when K got in on friday morning, because K was really late (which was dumb of K, to be an hour and half late without calling, but whatever.) P wanted me to basically tattle on her. later in the day, r and another co-worker were doing a project in a conference room and P walked in and felt like they were talking smack about her, which they could very well have been doing. P came out of the room and over to my desk, where she whispered to me,
"that's awesome when you walk in on people talking about you and they get all nervous. keep is up, ladies, because i'm totally going to circle back around and write you up."

then, later, leaving the conference room again, P stops me to talk, saying, "i hate her and she needs to leave."
i made a sad face and said i was hating the fighting.
P said, "oh, there's no fighting, i just hate her and she needs leave."
again, i said i just wanted everyone to get along, but P said, "whatever, she obviously hates me and S (the boss), and is miserable here. she drives and hour and a half each way to get here, to a job she hates, to work for two people she hates, she needs to go." (that was a good point, and one i've made to K before, since she drives from sonoma to marin everyday for work.) i tried to explain it in a diplomatic way, saying that i felt like K didn't hate them, that she just let her frustration poison things and get too far.
P told me, continuing the festival of unprofessional conduct, that K cried in a meeting with her yesterday when P asked her if she was giving her 2 weeks notice. K felt like she could improve her attitude or something, but P said it was too late for the big turn-around. K said she didn't think she'd have to leave over it, and P just kind of rolled her eyes.
i sighed deeply.
P made a cutesy face and said, "aren't you glad that i love you?"
um...what? scary.

so, work politics are excruciatingly painful right now.
i feel like i should do something for K, plead her case or defend her or something, but i also feel like she let it get out of hand and it's unlikely that it'll get any better. she should've left before it got so messy.

this sort of thing is typical of my department, which is ironic since i work in human resources, but P and my boss have cut players from the team before when they threatened their little BFF set up, and i feel like that's what this is. the boss didn't give P the raise because she doesn't really care, and P just wants to ensure that she gets taken care of and doesn't give a shit if she hurts another person's career or life in the process.

i feel like a spineless wimp. i don't think me sacrificing my job, and a gold-plated reference from a company and department that want to marry me, is going to do any good in this situation. they have already proven, with their yuckiness towards K, that no player is too valuable to get cut suddenly. i need the reference and my sacrifice would mean nothing.

or would it? i don't know, i just feel really icky about it. i loathe the way P is trying to make me a part of it, to make sure i am on the team. i hate the mean team.

and this is why i won't ever succeed in politics. i can't handle the negativity. it makes me crazy and so sad and scared i want to die. how can people operate this way? i refuse to get sucked into the drama or feed the fire, so i have to stay on the outside, and i am prone to quitting if things get too unpleasant.

school politics are like that right now, too, so unpleasant, and i am slowly, unconsciously, shrinking away, little by little. life is too short for the poo flinging and the pointless hating.

i don't think there's anything wrong with me not wanting to be involved in other people's drama, but i feel like i have a moral obligation to stand up for what's 'right.' is that stupid? am i being overly dramatic about this? is this the sort of compromising of morals that leads people astray? who am i if i am not being vocal about what i think is right? how can i call myself an honest person if i am not willing to sacrifice in the name of my moral barometer?

i imagine that a lot of politicians start out as honest people, who genuinely intend to do good things with their power. i imagine that little by little, though, one small compromise after another knocks their internal compasses off kilter, and they lose track of what they once felt were iron-clad, uncompromiseable truths.

and i wonder if this is one of those tests, where i need to see what i am made of. a really good person is being wronged, and even if i am not able to reverse the process, maybe i should at least try. maybe that's the most important thing...

what do you think?

Currently reading :
The Name of the Rose: including Postscript to the Name of the Rose
By Umberto Eco
Release date: By 28 September, 1994