loveliness.

fleet foxes were amazing on SNL this week.





it makes me happy that there are young men who are expressing themselves this way.

also, this is funny.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

justin timberlake.

my passion for JT has cooled a smidgen.
not because his album is any less amazing, but i've just moved on.
but this clip kinda restoked me.



videogum said everyone has been saying he's been a douche on this press junket, but he's pretty much solid gold from what i can see.

downer/upper.

things i'm not stoked about:

this is fucking terrible, but not surprising.

things i am stoked about:
-carrots (so good!)
-broccoli (if i had to only eat one vegetable for the rest of my life, it'd be broccoli.)
-trace minerals (shannon is a big believer in these, but i don't really like the way they make the water taste. nonetheless, they're really good for you and they kick canker sores in the pants.)
-the gym (i know, old news, but i have fallen back in love with it.)
-writing (again, yawn, but i am deep in the midst of a passionate love affair with it. hopefully long-term.)
-flip-flops (i used to wear them everyday, and then i backed away from it, but i have been enjoying it being warm enough to wear them again.)
-peter hoeg's new book, 'the quiet girl.' ('smila's sense of snow' is one of my top 5 favorite books, so i was THRILLED when i saw that he had a new one. i'm listening to it on cd and LOVING it. so much so that i am looking forward to reading it the normal way already. there was a sense of restraint and distance in 'smila's' but this one is so much more passionate and funny and warm. i mean, he's danish, so there's still the scandanavian-ness, but not nearly so much.)
-joyce carol oates (am i boring you by talking about her books and her all the time? she's just so amazing. i'm reading 'my heart laid bare' and it's wonderful.)
-frigoverre (in me and shannon's on-going mission to eradicate plastic from our lives, this was a landmark discovery. i fret about plastic food storage and this stuff has a glass base. we've got tons of it and the thrill hasn't worn off yet.)
-making smoothies for breakfast (gina got me started and now i can't stop. i actually did stop for a couple of weeks, but only because we didn't have any food in the fridge. but i went grocery shopping yesterday and came back with organic blueberries and raspberries, some frozen peaches, more rice milk, spinach....i already had some of my favorite rice protein powder and some sprouted raw flax seeds. so, super tastiness this morning.)
-the liam finn album. remember i posted a video of his performance on david letterman and said i'd bought the album? well, it's good.

seriously, though, guys.
please use your hands-free headset with your phone, and even when you're kicking it hands-free, keep your phone somewhere aside from on your person. not to be all preachy, but brain tumors are sons of bitches, and i love you guys and i want you to live.

hypocrites, music and departures.

"an oily, fetid substance." nice, bio-deisel industry. very nice.

i like how he's known for ethics. whoops!


after seeing this video on goldenfiddle, i bought the album from itunes and it's tasty.


shannon is leaving today for los angeles for a while, to finish the last stage of the new 'indiana jones' movie. i'm missing him already, even though i am at work with him today to have lunch.

this is pretty amazing. wait for it.

Santogold "L.E.S. Artistes"
by bluntedsoul

kanye feels like this is maybe the best ever, and i have to agree, a bit.

a-HA!

a whole new avenue of intellectual discourse is opened up to us.
it's like i knew of this theory, somewhere in my bones, but was unable to fully articulate it.

diversion.

i bought $100 worth of art and craft supplies.
glitter, glues, a notebook, sparkly letters, skinny pens, paint brushes...
hoping to put my free-time to good, productive use.
i am working on overcoming my internal 'i can't do it' and 'i suck at this so why bother' commentaries and just doing it anyway.
well, i haven't started yet, but i bought stuff for it, which is the first step.
perhaps tonight i'll craft some.
oh, tab, lu and michael are coming up to stay here tonight, so maybe not tonight.
also, the redwood empire fair is happening right NOW, as we speak, so maybe i'll get them to come to the dinky fair with me.
too bad they're getting in so late. the crash-up derby starts at 7pm sharp...
another thing we have a fair amount of here is puzzles.
would that be fun?
i think i enjoy puzzles, but that in between period, where you're working on the puzzle and it's not done and you need a bunch of space to store the unfinished puzzle, is pretty annoying.
i realized last night, with some alarm, that i brought the wrong cord with me for my ipod. i brought the one with the usb plug, but i needed the one with the firewire plug. so, i am not able to transfer my new tunes to my ipod. also, my computer's battery is not so impressive these days, and i can almost watch the charge disappearing. i get maybe an hour out of my battery, whereas before i got hours.
oh well. that's way at the bottom of my list of concerns right now.
also, i see i'm not the only person who finds coldplay revolting.

albert hammond, jr.

i haven't been very inspired by music lately.
with all my driving, and all my not-rad-stuff-happening, i've been listening to books on cd while i do my 2hr drive to/fro mom's.
i have listened to some good stuff.
'black swan green', by david mitchell was fucking fantastic. exactly what i wanted. funny, charming, heartfelt, gorgeous, sweet. wish i could hear it again for the first time.
'all creatures great and small,' by james herriott is a classic. a light trifle, with plenty of english humor and lots of stories about soulful animals. nice.
i just bought 'harry potter and the chamber of secrets' today. reading the end was just too much for me and i was moved to start all over again, from the beginning. i am yearning for a life filled with warm fires, butterbeer with true friends and things covered in purple velvet. cozy and squashy.
i decided that tonight i would look up the music i have been meaning to check out, but haven't.
admittedly, i didn't listen to whole albums, just what myspace or itunes would let me hear, but i have made some decisions.
-razorlight - violently, no. well, i bought one song and barfed in my mouth over the other ones.
-kings of leon - no, but less so.
-silversun pick ups - undecided. one of the songs made my heart hurt, but the others left me unmoved.
-albert hammond, jr. - brilliant. loving it. i have always been sad for him, because he's the least cute of the guys in the strokes, but he doesn't need me to feel sad for him because he's got some sweet-ass songwriting skillz. i mean, nothing revolutionary, but catchy, non-cloying, mellow but not sleepy. it's thee goodz.
-lily allen - nyeh.
-amy winehouse - yeah, alright. i'll bite. i like my some soulful lady singers, even if her 'look' is pretty repellent. also, that not-so-blind item about her smoking crack in the ladies' bathroom at lollapalooza was gnarls. sad times, amy. love thyself.

i spent some time decorating the hidey hole today. it's musty and spidery and gives me a rash, but it's MY rash-inducing hidey-hole and i am grateful for it. so, in an effort to give myself more ways to take care of myself, i am making the hole more comfy cozers. also, i brought up my paint-by-numbers and some stuff for collaging. i am looking for good ways to step away from the bone-deep sadness of spending so much time with my vegged out dying mom, and reading and computering are both really head-y. i am trying to find ways to get out of my head, so tab suggested art.

i wish the showers at my mom's were better. taking showers up here sucks. the hot water doesn't last for shit. i just end up saving up my dirty until i head home for a shower. groders, but who cares, right? it's fucking redwood valley. being in redwood valley washes away all the low self esteem of living in la. going from an sf 8 to an la 5 to an rv 155 is gratifying. it's like i'm a brazilian supermodel or something.

tomorrow some visitors will come up here and i am looking forward to it. having people visit me is awesome. i am sure mom enjoys visitors some, too, but i am the one who needs them the most.

Positivity.

Current mood: grumpy

these are some reasons why everything is cool.
1) tonight is margarita night. my godbrother might come out with us.
2) i am getting a massage at 6:30pm.
3) i went to the gym today for the first time in a week and it felt awesome.
4) it's kinda warm today, and, even though i am trapped in hell/work, i will get out early enough to enjoy the warmth.
5) i finished college of marin before i turned 30. seriously, i was worried for a while.
6) music is the best. driving and listening to my ipod is perfection. the driving and listening to music was what i always imagined when i imagined what was cool about driving, and it is totally proving to be as exciting as i had imagined. that and havign aplace to stash my crap that i want to bring from the house with me, but don't necessarily want to carry in my arms, like a towel for the gym or something.

on a different note, who organizes high school reunions? i mean, how will they know if i move away?

Currently listening :
Stay What You Are
By Saves the Day
Release date: By 10 July, 2001

mercy killing.

Current mood: homicidal/suicidal

someone come to 680 8th street, ste. 240 and either kill me, or the woman in the showroom next door. if i have to listen to alice (the radio station) for another entire day, i'm going to fucking lose my shit.

i hummed along to evanescence accidentally 5 minutes ago, people. it's getting critical

why kira will never succeed in politics.

Current mood: melancholy

i have a really easy job. i accepted the job solely based on how easy it is and how absurdly flexible the hours are. i show up pretty much whenever i want to, i listen to my ipod and file, chat with my co-workers, and leave when i get tired of it. it's heaven. when i leave, i have almost nothing to say about work, because nothing interesting happens, so i don't have to be that person who only talks about work. (except for right now, when i am talking about it...)

okay,, though, here's the problem:

i work with a woman, P, who is probably in her late 30s, who is quite possibly the most cold-hearted, selfish person i have ever known in real life.. she loves me, but i have no doubt she'd slit my throat without a second thought if she felt like it was the thing to do.

there are a large number of good things about her. she's funny. she has a really cool daughter. she's a really hard worker. she's good to chat with, about current events or life stuff.

the things that suck about her are all related to what a cold, hard twat she can be, though. the tone of voice she uses on the phone with her husband, and her ex-husband, is enough to turn my stomach. i have never, in my entire life, used such a shitty, disrespectful, rude-on-purpose-with-no-thought-for-the-other-person's-feelings tone of voice, except to illustrate it to other people. it makes my skin crawl. how she could speak to her husband that way, who she is alleged to love, really dumb-founds me. she handles the workers comp claims for the company, and you know she has no qualms about cutting people off, regardless of whether or not they're better. she just assumes they're all lying fakers and is down to stick it to them. she is also all about taking her anger out on innocent by-standers, and is famous for getting people fired because she doesn't like them, or they threaten her in some way. mostly she keeps it to temps that are too annoying, but she's not above taking out another permanent co-worker.

so, she is out for herself, bottom line, and will say or do whatever she feels like she needs to, or can, to come out on top.

she left for maternity leave in November-ish. another chick took over her job for her, while she was out. this other chick, K, also continued to do a great deal of her own job, as well as managing two temps during the xmas season, which is a crappy, ultra-busy time for the department. i have no idea how good a job K did at managing P's job, but i do know she never got yelled at, shit didn't explode or fall apart, and she managed to stay funny and positive and easy to get along with despite the atrocious stress she was under. her work-load had tripled, and she was never given a full training in the stuff she was doing, despite being told a few times that she would be.

so, two months into this time, K asks our boss for a temporary raise, since she is doing so much more work. our boss says she'll ask HER boss and get back to K. two weeks pass and K hears nothing. she asks again. again is told that the boss will ask the boss and they'll get back to K. two more weeks pass and nothing. K asks about it one more time, and is again blown off. nothing. right around this time, P comes back on the scene.

i should say that P is best friends with our boss, except for the huge amounts of smack that P talks behind the boss’s back to me. so P's maternity leave time ran out, as did her state maternity benefits, so she and the boss came up with this plan for her to work from home part time, so she could get paid half of her salary while still basically being on leave. she continued to call K, giving K even more things to do, even though she is allegedly working part-time now.

the big problem is that K let things go for too long. she should have found another job after the second time she got dissed, but she didn't, she just stayed, letting the resentfulness grow.

as of this week, P is back from leave entirely. she has decided that K hates her and should leave the company. instead of talking to K about her problems, perhaps admitting that they treated K like crap and she has a right to be pissed, P is basically forcing her to quit.

K is a really, really good worker and a way more pleasant co-worker, more consistently, to more people, than P. she is almost always easy to get along with, and when she's in a crappy mood, she at least keeps it to herself, whereas P can poison the vibes like no one i have ever met. K is the kind of person who everyone goes to with any questions about the department, because she's really knowledgeable and just handles stuff without a bunch of drama or fanfare. she is exactly the kind of employee that companies, particularly my company, want to have, because she's willing to take one for them team and work hard, but they're going to fire her anyway.

now P is trying to suck me into the saga, like making me part of their conspiracy, which sucks a great deal for me, because i feel like a huge injustice is being perpetrated. P is the girl in grade school who wasn't afraid to make other kids cry, who would aim for making adults cry, and who probably bullied anyone younger than her. she is just a mean, popular girl at heart, and she wants me to join her team of heathers, but i am feeling like veronica.

P asked me to let her know when K got in on friday morning, because K was really late (which was dumb of K, to be an hour and half late without calling, but whatever.) P wanted me to basically tattle on her. later in the day, r and another co-worker were doing a project in a conference room and P walked in and felt like they were talking smack about her, which they could very well have been doing. P came out of the room and over to my desk, where she whispered to me,
"that's awesome when you walk in on people talking about you and they get all nervous. keep is up, ladies, because i'm totally going to circle back around and write you up."

then, later, leaving the conference room again, P stops me to talk, saying, "i hate her and she needs to leave."
i made a sad face and said i was hating the fighting.
P said, "oh, there's no fighting, i just hate her and she needs leave."
again, i said i just wanted everyone to get along, but P said, "whatever, she obviously hates me and S (the boss), and is miserable here. she drives and hour and a half each way to get here, to a job she hates, to work for two people she hates, she needs to go." (that was a good point, and one i've made to K before, since she drives from sonoma to marin everyday for work.) i tried to explain it in a diplomatic way, saying that i felt like K didn't hate them, that she just let her frustration poison things and get too far.
P told me, continuing the festival of unprofessional conduct, that K cried in a meeting with her yesterday when P asked her if she was giving her 2 weeks notice. K felt like she could improve her attitude or something, but P said it was too late for the big turn-around. K said she didn't think she'd have to leave over it, and P just kind of rolled her eyes.
i sighed deeply.
P made a cutesy face and said, "aren't you glad that i love you?"
um...what? scary.

so, work politics are excruciatingly painful right now.
i feel like i should do something for K, plead her case or defend her or something, but i also feel like she let it get out of hand and it's unlikely that it'll get any better. she should've left before it got so messy.

this sort of thing is typical of my department, which is ironic since i work in human resources, but P and my boss have cut players from the team before when they threatened their little BFF set up, and i feel like that's what this is. the boss didn't give P the raise because she doesn't really care, and P just wants to ensure that she gets taken care of and doesn't give a shit if she hurts another person's career or life in the process.

i feel like a spineless wimp. i don't think me sacrificing my job, and a gold-plated reference from a company and department that want to marry me, is going to do any good in this situation. they have already proven, with their yuckiness towards K, that no player is too valuable to get cut suddenly. i need the reference and my sacrifice would mean nothing.

or would it? i don't know, i just feel really icky about it. i loathe the way P is trying to make me a part of it, to make sure i am on the team. i hate the mean team.

and this is why i won't ever succeed in politics. i can't handle the negativity. it makes me crazy and so sad and scared i want to die. how can people operate this way? i refuse to get sucked into the drama or feed the fire, so i have to stay on the outside, and i am prone to quitting if things get too unpleasant.

school politics are like that right now, too, so unpleasant, and i am slowly, unconsciously, shrinking away, little by little. life is too short for the poo flinging and the pointless hating.

i don't think there's anything wrong with me not wanting to be involved in other people's drama, but i feel like i have a moral obligation to stand up for what's 'right.' is that stupid? am i being overly dramatic about this? is this the sort of compromising of morals that leads people astray? who am i if i am not being vocal about what i think is right? how can i call myself an honest person if i am not willing to sacrifice in the name of my moral barometer?

i imagine that a lot of politicians start out as honest people, who genuinely intend to do good things with their power. i imagine that little by little, though, one small compromise after another knocks their internal compasses off kilter, and they lose track of what they once felt were iron-clad, uncompromiseable truths.

and i wonder if this is one of those tests, where i need to see what i am made of. a really good person is being wronged, and even if i am not able to reverse the process, maybe i should at least try. maybe that's the most important thing...

what do you think?

Currently reading :
The Name of the Rose: including Postscript to the Name of the Rose
By Umberto Eco
Release date: By 28 September, 1994

lucero.

holy crap. i love them.

Current mood: lazy
Currently reading : Weaveworld By Clive Barker

chorus.

everyone was much nicer to me at chorus today. i feel heartened. the music is hard, but it already sounds sweet and we're just fumbling around. it's gonna sound BAD. ASS.

don't worry. i'll let you know the performance dates.

Current mood: mellow
Currently listening: Mozart: Mass in C minor, K417a By Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

still.

i'm still really bummed about elliott smith. i know it's been a while and it should have settled in, but it hasn't, and i am still really sad and kinda pissed that he's dead.

Current mood: discontent
Currently listening : from a basement on the hill - By Elliott Smith

my perfect boyfriend.

From : Shannon Mills
Sent : Monday, June 28, 2004 9:44 AM
To : "Ms. Kira Fisher"
Subject : ahoy mate!!


let’s sail away past the noise of the bay
let’s sail away past the birth and death of the day
let’s sail away to where the blues and greens swirl into gray
let’s sail away
let’s sail away past the cradle of these waves
let’s sail away past the tide and its slow decay
let’s sail away to where the water goes-some endless open space
let’s sail away
take only what you need, my love, and leave the rest behind
don’t be afraid of where we’ll go, my love
i promise you will be fine
now you are the only one thats mine
let’s sail away past the reflections of the light
let’s sail away floating weightless through the night
let’s sail away like a photograph, fading to all white
it’s finally all right
forget all the mistakes my love
they won’t be made again
leave the photos in the drawer, my love
we no longer need them
we both know where we’ve been
let’s sail away disappearing in a mist
let’s sail away with a whisper and a kiss
or vanish from a road somewhere, like tereza and tomas,
suspended in this bliss.


I love my boyfriend so freakin' much. Jesus.