mortality attack.

i am supposed to go xmas shopping with my mom today, and, uncharacteristically she hasn't called me yet today about it. i called her office earlier and the lady who answered said she'd left for the day, at, like 1:30pm. i was a bit confused, because i didn't know she was leaving, but i called her cellphone, left a message, called home, left a message. time passes, i call her again, still no answer, no response to the messages. so, characterisically, i assume, well, it's not like her not to call, so if she's not calling, it must be something serious, therefore she must have gotten in an accident and is possibly in the hospital, or dead by the road and no one's found her. (seriously, i think this stuff.) i start feeling kinda panicky, tears start coming to my eyes, imagining her dead, how i'd handle that, how lonely it makes me feel just to think about it...etc. so, i decide, as i'm sniffling, to call her office again, just to see where she said she was going, thinking, maybe she's in a hair appointment, trying not to panic but still starting to cry. turns out she's at the xmas party for the company, at another site. which explains why she's not home, or answering her cell. duh.

and i do this, the assuming that if the person was ALIVE, they'd have called, ALL THE TIME.

anyone who knows me well knows that's totally remarkably neurotic of me, and, while a common behavior trait, not really consistent with my personality. it's so annoying. i have pictured everyone i love, dead, by the side of the road, unfound. i am ready to let go of this totally unhelpful mental pattern. seriously.

Current mood: embarrassed
Currently listening : Logic Will Break Your Heart - By Stills

booyah.

i totally kicked my finals' asses. now i am on winter break. i bought myself a cool silver leather bracelet and a cozy scarf to celebrate. i can't decide what to do first... i have such limited time and so many books to read. i always binge read over winter break.

oh, i am taking chorus next semester. the real kind, too, that you have to audition for, even. i am a little bit nervous, but i am tired of not doing anything with my lovely pipes. gotta use 'em or lose 'em.

indian food for din-din, with mom and shannon. me and the shann-man had indian food on friday. we're shameless, itellya. it's just so tasty. yumyum.

i am currently listening to the greatest christmas album ever. i highly reccommend it. christmasy without making you hurl.

okay. enough being here. i am going to go start my binge reading. iamsoexcitedyayyayyay!

Current mood: excited
Currently listening :
A Charlie Brown Christmas: The Original Sound Track Recording Of The CBS Television Special - By Vince Guaraldi Trio

stupid flu.

i have that goddamn flu thing that's going around, where you feel REALLY shitty for a couple of days, and then feel shitty enough to want to change bodies with someone else for, like, 7 years. i need some way to rinse out my lungs.

i have this hideous cough, that is totally unproductive, and is ripping my poor throat and wind-pipe to shreds. i am a nose-blowing, snot-snarfling moster. i have wicked sinus pressure. if i breathe to deeply, or quickly, while i am sleeping, i am forced to cough my lungs out for an hour before i can get back to sleep. the side of my bed is a used hankerchief/kleenex forest. i just got back from a trip to chicago and my bag is unpacked because i feel like ass and don't want to keep bending over to get the stuff out of my suitcase, because the sinus pressure might make my eyeballs pop out. also, i lost my voice yesterday, but it's coming back a bit today. me and shannon were singing in the car and with my cracking voice, it sounded funny.

luckily for me, i got it from shannon, and he hasn't gotten over it, either, so i am not alone in my illness-induced foulness. it's a symphony of sneezing, sniffling, coughing and nose-blowing over here.

and finals are tomorrow. crap.

Current mood: uncomfortable
Currently reading : Quicksilver (The Baroque Cycle, Vol. 1) - By Neal Stephenson