a letter.

here are some versions i am toying with...


++++++++++++++++++++++++

hello, neighbor!

today is the second day this week that your raised voice was the first sound i heard.

this is not a pleasant way to wake up.

please remember that other people live near you and would perhaps like to enjoy their day off by sleeping in past 7:00am.

thanks.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

dear woman-with-the-very-high-shriek,

stop screaming so loud, so early.

perhaps there is a reason why your dog doesn't come to you when you make that terrible noise. 

personally, i find myself drawn to you by the sound, but only so i can shout at you to please be quiet because it is very, very, very early.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

dear screaming crazy person next door,

shut your fucking trap.

i don't give a shit if you're running late and your kid and dog aren't moving fast enough. that shouldn't be my problem.

if you have to raise your voice so often, you're doing something wrong.

the vast majority of people are able to get things done on a daily and weekly basis without screaming at the top of their lungs, so you might want to reevaluate your tactics. they certainly make *me* want to either hurt you or run until you are out of voice range, so i can imagine the effects on your poor kid and dog. clearly they hate you and don't respect you as an authority figure, and it's not a mystery why, since you lose your shit at the slightest provocation. that doesn't inspire confidence or respect. it does inspire loathing. me and your kid and dog are holding anti-you meetings in the afternoons, to discuss our feelings about you, and none of those feelings are positive, let me tell you.

also, seriously, shut your trap. it's 7am. you're not the only person trying to get something done at 7am. except the thing that i am trying to get done is FUCKING SLEEP. which i am not able to do because YOU WAKE ME UP WITH YOUR MOTHERFUCKING CATERWAULING.

just shut up. seriously.

thanks.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


just warming up. the real letter will be better. a good balance of neighborly concern and shut-your- trap.